Follow by Email

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Art of Licking Strangers

Many have called Australia the land of the free, the land of the brave; the land where all your hopes and dreams can come true... but I’m still not convinced!

In the real world it is easy to lick a stranger. You stick out your tongue and wait for an unsuspecting passerby. Done. In Australia it is not.

Firstly you have to do all lickage in shoes. You have to do everything in shoes. And, if that’s not bad enough already, “thongs” aren’t good enough – They have to be closed shoes or even high-heels. As a staunch anti-shoeist this is hell!

Secondly being discrete is not an easy task. Trying to avoid the gaze of the 20 odd security on constant alert for barefooters, is near impossible. And even when they are looking away, there’s still the cameras... if they fine you for being barefoot, or drunk, or smelling funny; what do they do to lickers??

It’s normally best to discretely lick on the clothing (or at least this is what my friend Robyn, a professional lickest, has taught me) – in Australia they barely wear any clothes... it’s all ‘wife beaters’ and skirts that once functioned as belts...

I’m not even all that keen on licking strangers. It’s just nice to have the option!

2 comments:

  1. today, in honour of this land of my birth, mzanzi, I shall lick someone knowing that I will not be fined, possibly maced and beaten :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have noted, that when the freedom of random licks is taken away from you, it only makes you more determined to do it. Whether you enjoy it or not. This as thus lead me to my greatest achievement: 5 dressed up cowboys, clad in leather head to toe at Santinis.

    ReplyDelete