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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Salt, Rice, and Paper Towels.

Life is full of interesting problems. Theft, murder, speedos, unemployment, poverty, delusions of grandeur, schizophrenia, bad taste in clothing, cockroaches, the list goes on and on… But I think I have found the answer to all of them....Maybe...

Some call the a problem, some call them food!
The other day I left work a little early to escape the torrential downpour. I was cold. I was soaked. My fingers couldn't bend anymore, my brain had frozen over, frostbite was imminent! I swore I would never leave the house again! 

I threw my clothes in the washing machine and sat down [huddled in my brothers duvet because I don't own my own] to reply to my last umteen emails and finish a few proposals before I heard the bouncing of the machine subside. I clicked send and started towards the machine. A few steps later I found myself swimming through a sea of greenish-brown wash mush. The washing machine had flooded the house...

In a panic I tossed my [world's dirtiest] teddy bear in to start soaking, and then blankets and towels. I scooped bucket loads into the bath tub. Hours later it was almost done and I seemed to have escaped without flooding the downstairs neighbours. I had won the battle, but the war hadn't even started yet.


Teddy, on his last night out, a porn star party
The carpets were still soaked, so after a few days of [unsuccessfully] wishing them dry, I got newspaper. The smell worsened. By the weekend the house was so damp and the smell so rank that I was beginning to think I might have health officials notified. As I lay awake at night trying to absolve the billions of other problems the week from hell had bought with it, solutions started forming in my mind. I "awoke" from a sleepless night, walked to the shops and bought 2kg of rice, 1kg of salt and a diarrhea-worthy load of paper towels!

I coated my brothers room in salt, Daisy's room in paper towels covered by magazines and books and most of the house's furniture, and my room (the lounge) was treated to a happy dosage of tastic brown rice.

Life's other problems got worse, but the house started smelling better by the day. A week later (Monday), I finally got around to seeing the results of my efforts. I started by lifting up the books and furniture and paper towels.... and then clearing up the salt and then the rice (which practically formed a ready made meal after a week of soaking)...Amazingly they all worked. And the house was as good as new (and cleaner too).

The small successes of the rice, salt and paper towels gave me the ummmmph I needed to start tackling other battles creatively (it's been a bit of poo year really) but you know what? Life really is good! - Just look at the amazing people you have around you and you'll know how lucky you are!

I'm not sure what you're struggling with at the moment, but I promise you that there is a solution. They say that time heals all things; but I think what you really need is some creativity [and a hug/ lick/ bowl of rice wine] and the eradication of the speedo.

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