Get me to the Church on Time

It's recently been bought to my attention that I have a wedding in 3 weeks. Not mine. No. That would be more worrying (mostly because I plan to elope and you can't pre-plan elopage).

Despite functioning as my moral reasoning on a frequent basis over the past 14 years, I need to express my annoyance at both my friend's choice of location and especially the timing for her wedding - Koh Samui (Thailand) - April 3rd. Seriously?? Koh Samui? I was in the area in January. I'm now 2163 km away in Hanoi, Vietnam and I don't fly. Flying isn't good for you!

I've spent the last two days seeking hitch hiking companions to avoid the 90 odd hour bus journeys and failed - quite miserably really... my last emaily reply was this:

Adeena,

Sorry, when I read about your plans I immediately became worried for 

you. Do not do this hitching please.

Even if you are the fattest ugliest horniest woman in the world you

are asking nee begging for trouble.

You plan to hitchhike through a couple of countries where Asian women

are kidnapped and sold in to sexual slavery.

Your a white woman.  DO you want to be trafficed like a piece of meat?

Beaten and starved into submission repeatedly raped?  Used like a rag?

I don't think you want that kind of adventure.  

A rape kit is some equipment that a western police department uses to

gather evidence after a rape.

Good luck,

J......

My newest steed... I'm absolutely terrified!!!

And I have decided I don't want any of that really - Asian food is far to good to be starved from. I really really don't.  So with three weeks to go to cross three countries I've done the most logical thing really I've just walked the streets of Hanoi and bought a good "new design bike" (definitely Chinese) my newest trusty steed. How I'm going to fit my massive bags, my massiver bear and bulging belly onboard is the first challenge and then it'll all be smooth sailing I'm sure... the route begins with some of the world's best traffic before hitting one of the world's most impressive mountain ranges.

Rohan, my bicycle buddy - he actually rides bikes and his bike's not even Chinese....